Naive

Last week I wrote about balance.  I was quite naive to think that finding balance would come so quickly.  The first three weeks of Amy Gets Healthy I was so committed and determined.  I counted calories and measured portions and I just had the mentality that once I hit those calories I was done eating for the day.  I didn't allow myself any treats for the first two weeks and I didn't seem to miss them.  

But somewhere between then and now it seems I've misplaced my balance.  My weigh in day is Thursday which means I typically spend Friday and Saturday "celebrating" the weight I have lost with food.  How screwed up is that?  I guess I figure that the weekends don't count and that I can get back on track by the following Thursday.  Even if this is the case, I am still sabotaging my weight loss.  Imagine what my weight loss might be if I didn't have to re-lose the pound I gained over the weekend.

I really do want to commit and hit my long term goal but I just can't seem to get my head on straight.  

     

Chocolate Chips and Dress Shopping

If you said, "Hey Amy, what are you doing right now?"  I would lie to you and say, "nothing" when in fact I am eating chocolate chips straight from the bag.  This is me being totally honest.  My cheat meal on Friday (pasta with tomato cream sauce and chicken) turned into a cheat weekend.  But today is Monday which is was a perfect day to start anew.

Cue Monday morning weigh in.

Up one pound from last official weigh in on Thursday.  Then I spent the morning dress shopping for a black tie optional wedding I have coming up at the end of the summer.  I went to David's Bridal hoping that I could find something fancy enough and walk out of the store with it.  I loaded up my dressing room with 1,000 dresses and got to work.  Well.  I know that sizes in every store are different but last summer I bought a size 20 dress for a wedding. (It was Jersey so much more forgiving than a formal fitted dress.)  I gathered a bunch of size 20s and threw in some size 22s for good measure.  The 20s were a no go and the 22s zipped but were snug.  I even tried on a size 24 which was much more comfortable but the strapless tops were way too big.

In the end I spent an hour and a half feeling bad about myself and left without a dress.  Dresses were non-returnable and I didn't want to pay to have the size 24 altered and the size 22 left me feeling like a sausage.

Sigh.

Last summer when I was looking for dresses to wear to a wedding, I vowed that I would lose weight so that when it came time to buy a dress for this summer's wedding it would be an easy and fun task. Obviously that didn't happen. One of my goals (aside from a number on the scale) in losing weight is just to be able to walk into a regular store and pick out any dress or outfit I want.  Buying dresses at 264 pounds is not fun. I can't choose colors or styles, I simply have to chose any dress that fits.

So back to the chocolate chips.  I know that eating them is not going to help me achieve my goals.  I don't even know why I am eating them. Because they taste good? Because I've lost that initial motivation to be healthy? Because the cravings have finally hit me (after 3 weeks)?

Arg.  I can see no positives in today.

 

The Dreaded Week 2

Last week, I made the commitment to live a healthy and active life.  The initial excitement and anticipation is starting to wear off and now I'm questioning my ability to accomplish my goals.  During week one, I focused mainly on my diet.  I ate lots of fruits and veggies and eliminated all sweets.  I was surprised by my ability to just turn off my need desire for ice cream.  I dropped six pounds and was elated.  Every morning I would wake up eager to jump on the scale and see what I had lost.

Naturally, as I approach the second week of my new life, counting calories alone is not resulting in the rapid success of week one.  Did my body really adjust to its new calorie intake in just one week?  I would think that a 266 pound body would still drop weight on 1500 calories per day.

In the past, I've benefited most from a combination of diet and exercise but I'm finding it hard to get myself moving.  I make excuse after excuse...it's hot...it's humid...I have no one to walk with.  I know that I feel better after I exercise so I think at this point it's just a matter of getting into a routine.  If I wake up every day and go for a walk first thing, eventually it should become habit...right?