Chocolate Chips and Dress Shopping

If you said, "Hey Amy, what are you doing right now?"  I would lie to you and say, "nothing" when in fact I am eating chocolate chips straight from the bag.  This is me being totally honest.  My cheat meal on Friday (pasta with tomato cream sauce and chicken) turned into a cheat weekend.  But today is Monday which is was a perfect day to start anew.

Cue Monday morning weigh in.

Up one pound from last official weigh in on Thursday.  Then I spent the morning dress shopping for a black tie optional wedding I have coming up at the end of the summer.  I went to David's Bridal hoping that I could find something fancy enough and walk out of the store with it.  I loaded up my dressing room with 1,000 dresses and got to work.  Well.  I know that sizes in every store are different but last summer I bought a size 20 dress for a wedding. (It was Jersey so much more forgiving than a formal fitted dress.)  I gathered a bunch of size 20s and threw in some size 22s for good measure.  The 20s were a no go and the 22s zipped but were snug.  I even tried on a size 24 which was much more comfortable but the strapless tops were way too big.

In the end I spent an hour and a half feeling bad about myself and left without a dress.  Dresses were non-returnable and I didn't want to pay to have the size 24 altered and the size 22 left me feeling like a sausage.

Sigh.

Last summer when I was looking for dresses to wear to a wedding, I vowed that I would lose weight so that when it came time to buy a dress for this summer's wedding it would be an easy and fun task. Obviously that didn't happen. One of my goals (aside from a number on the scale) in losing weight is just to be able to walk into a regular store and pick out any dress or outfit I want.  Buying dresses at 264 pounds is not fun. I can't choose colors or styles, I simply have to chose any dress that fits.

So back to the chocolate chips.  I know that eating them is not going to help me achieve my goals.  I don't even know why I am eating them. Because they taste good? Because I've lost that initial motivation to be healthy? Because the cravings have finally hit me (after 3 weeks)?

Arg.  I can see no positives in today.

 

On Balance

I've come to the realization that I have to change my lifestyle if I want to lose weight and maintain that loss.  In the past I saw no problem with ordering pizza and chasing it with ice cream every Friday night.  After all...it was the weekend.  In the back of my mind, I knew it was unhealthy but I didn't care.  It was easy and it tasted great.  But the time has come to make some real life changes.  I'm not even going to pretend that I'll never have pizza and ice cream again (because I will) but it should be and will be done in moderation.  Making grilled pizza with homemade dough is quite different than ordering calzones from Bertuccis.  And grabbing soft serve while visiting friends is not the same as keeping a gallon of mint cookie ice cream in the freezer (even if it is slow churned).

I am a very all or nothing type of person.  In the past when I've made attempts to lose weight, I would severely restrict calories and spend every second of my free time working out.  I quickly became obsessed and it was all I could think about.

When I started One Thirty Six I began counting calories and measuring portions.  I honestly had no idea how many calories I was actually eating.  But like many times in the past, I quickly became obsessed.  I was neurotic about weighing my food to make sure that I was eating exactly 56g of grapes.  But here is what I've realized: while losing weight has to be a priority for me right now, I cannot allow it to take over my life.  I should not cancel social engagements because I am anxious about what I will eat.  I need to be smart, educate myself on what is healthy, plan ahead and make good choices.  And when I stumble and eat a pint of coffee Haagen-Dazs in two days, I don't need to beat myself up and get discouraged.  Instead I need to acknowledge that it's probably too early in my journey to keep ice cream in the freezer.

It's all about finding a balance.  A balance between enjoying food and eating for nourishment.  I'm sure that over time my idea of balance will change but for now these are the loose guidelines I will be following:

* Protein, fruit, veggies, and water every day.  No exceptions.

* Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes.

* One pasta meal a week. (I could eat pasta every day for the rest of my life.)

* One cheat meal a week.  (We'll see if this is valuable or detrimental.)

   

Week 3

Coming off last week I was feeling pretty down despite my buck-up camper blog post.  I was convinced once again that loosing a significant amount of weight was something that would never happen.  But an interesting thing happened.  I didn't give up and binge eat because although I didn't lose any weight last week I felt better.

Week three was full of travel and temptations.  I did my best to make good choices with my eating and I accomplished my goal of 4 days of exercise for at least 30 minutes. And it paid off!

Starting weight: 272 lbs.
Current weight: 263.5 lbs.
Weekly loss: 2.5 lbs.
Total loss: 8.5 lbs.

Was I hoping that my weight loss would be higher?  Of course.  But I think that 2.5 lbs is a reasonable loss that I will be able to maintain week to week.  I didn't feel deprived this week, and although I could have eaten better/less and worked out more, I feel like I found a balance this week (longer post about this coming shortly).

Overall, I am proud of the progress I made this week.  Going into week four, I want to exercise 4 times during the week for at least 30 minutes.

My smart, healthy, rational goal for next week is to lose 1.5 lbs which will total 10 lbs lost in a month.  My I will have to work hard to achieve it goal, is to lose 3.5 lbs so I will be out of the 260's.

Week 2

Okay so...let's just start with the number I suppose.

 

Starting weight: 272 lbs.

Current weight: 266 lbs.

Weekly loss: 0 lbs.

Total loss: 6 lbs.

Minus zero.  Obviously not what I hoped for but as the week went on it was what I expected.

According to Weight Watchers, if you stay within your allotted points for the week you will lose 1-2 pounds per week.  So why did eating a lower amount of calories all week not produce any change this week?  I know that I need to compound exercise with healthy eating but I've read over and over again that diet is more important for losing weight (and exercise for maintaining weight).  Hopefully after the initial shock of dropping 6 pounds the first week, my body will adjust to the fact that it's losing weight time this week.

In the past this is the point where I would usually throw in the towel.  I would have a great first week then lose nothing the second week and decide that I am destined to be fat for the rest of my life.  I would give up now because the thought of reaching the end of week 3 with no results would depress me even more.  But this time I am going to make a life change.  Which means that I don't beat myself up over week 2 and I don't give up.  Instead, I examine what went right and what went wrong, then keep moving forward with a new plan.

What went right:  I continued to eat really well this week.  I planned ahead for the outings I took this week. I brought watermelon to the movies, packed a PB roll-up and an apple for my day trip, and made good choices when eating out.

What went wrong:  I was quite busy this week and made no effort to fit in any physical activity.  It has been super hot all week which makes getting outside to exercise even harder.

Moving forward my plan is to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity at least 4 days between today and next Thursday.  I know if I am serious about losing weight I should commit to at least an hour a day 7 days a week.  But I don't think that is being realistic for me at this point.

Why 136?

The title of my blog is significant for two reasons.  For a 5'4" adult female, 136 pounds is towards the higher end of the "Healthy Weight" range.  Also, with a starting weight of 272 pounds, I will have to lose 136 pounds in order to weigh 136 pounds.  Yes.  I need to lose exactly half (50%) of my body weight.

Idea stolen from Mary.

When I look at this chart it seems all but impossible.  However, thinking about losing weight in terms of 10 pounds at a time it doesn't seem as daunting. 

So...
Step one: Set some manageable goals. 
Step two: Meet those goals.
Step three: Live happily ever after.

The Dreaded Week 2

Last week, I made the commitment to live a healthy and active life.  The initial excitement and anticipation is starting to wear off and now I'm questioning my ability to accomplish my goals.  During week one, I focused mainly on my diet.  I ate lots of fruits and veggies and eliminated all sweets.  I was surprised by my ability to just turn off my need desire for ice cream.  I dropped six pounds and was elated.  Every morning I would wake up eager to jump on the scale and see what I had lost.

Naturally, as I approach the second week of my new life, counting calories alone is not resulting in the rapid success of week one.  Did my body really adjust to its new calorie intake in just one week?  I would think that a 266 pound body would still drop weight on 1500 calories per day.

In the past, I've benefited most from a combination of diet and exercise but I'm finding it hard to get myself moving.  I make excuse after excuse...it's hot...it's humid...I have no one to walk with.  I know that I feel better after I exercise so I think at this point it's just a matter of getting into a routine.  If I wake up every day and go for a walk first thing, eventually it should become habit...right?

Week 1

One week ago I weighed 272 pounds.  It is a number I will never forget.

This past week I made good decisions.  I set a calorie goal, stuck to it, and started to move more.  And guess what?  It worked!

 

Starting Weight: 272 lbs.

Current Weight: 266 lbs.

Weekly Loss: 6 lbs.

Total Loss: 6 lbs.

Go team!  And by team...I mean me.