Goodbye to Blogger but NOT to Blogging

Hello 5 followers!

I am still alive.  I have so much some things to tell you.

First off:  I have jumped ship from Blogger to Tumblr for a variety of reasons.  One being that I was getting too caught up in the URL of One Thirty Six.  I know it is just a number, but I don't want this journey to be defined by a number.  Yes, I still have the same goals but above all, my main goal is to be honest with myself.  For my entire life, I have brushed things under the proverbial carpet to avoid dealing with them.  This kind of thinking has gotten me nowhere and I am ready to make a change.

So I will be blogging over at Honestly Amy (honestlyamy.tumblr.com).  I invite all 5 of you (and anyone else who stumbles across this) to follow me there.

I continue to read your blogs and am inspired by your progress.

What I've been up to: I returned from my vacation weighing 1 pound less than when I left!  But I started a new job and had a difficult time adjusting to working full time again after being unemployed for a year.  I didn't keep up with the progress I made over the summer and by the end of September, I was up to 265 lbs.

I put aside my fears and joined Weight Watchers with a friend.  I made quick progress at first and have since dwindled both in weight loss and motivation.  But as of this writing, I am weighing in at 251 lbs. So I'm at least headed in the right direction.  I've lost 5% of my starting weight and I am looking forward to moving into the 240's.

I will elaborate much more as I ease back into blogging over at Honestly Amy.  Please come and join me.

Take Care,
Amy

More Promises

So to be honest, I've barely thought about this blog or losing weight at all this week.  Tomorrow I am headed to the Midwest to visit some friends and attend a wedding.  Obviously I wish I had done more to lose weight before this trip but it is what it is.

I guess I figured that the likelihood of eating super well and getting exercise during the next week is slim to none so this week didn't really count.  But I know that this type of thinking will keep me fat.

I am going to do my best to make good food choices during my travels (i.e. packing healthy snacks for the plane) but I am also going to enjoy myself.  Yes, I will eat wedding cake.  (I hope it's delicious!)

When I get back from my trip it will be almost September, school will be starting and I will hopefully settle into a healthy routine of nourishing food and exercising.  So for now, dear blog, I bid you adieu.

* Obv. there will be no weigh in on Thursday as I will be in three different states that day!

  

Week 6

I knew this was coming.  I could have written this last night or two days ago.

I gained weight. 

Starting weight: 272 lbs.
Current weight: 260.7 lbs.
Weekly loss: +2 lbs.
Total loss: 11 lbs.

For the first time in 6 weeks I gained weight.  After my realization last week about eating my way through the weekends, I made a decision that I wasn't going to do that.  And I didn't.  But I also didn't really watch my food intake for the week and I certainly didn't exercise.  I wanted to lose a big number this week because I'm going on vacation next week and needed a weight buffer.

I'm disappointed that I didn't try this week.  I've still lost more than 10 pounds but I hate the fact that I crossed back into the 260's.  But instead of giving up, I will keep going.  Obviously there will be ups and downs on this journey as there are in any facet of life.  No one said this was going to be easy.

Short term goal #1:  Get back into the 250's before I leave for vacation on Monday.
Short term goal #2:  Return from vacation still in the 250's.  (I.E. Don't gain weight!)

Week 5

I had a tough time this week.  I ate my way through the weekend, watching movies and shirking all forms of exercise.  When I stepped on the scale on Monday I was disappointed at what seems to have become a habit over the last two weeks.  I do my official weigh in on Thursday morning then I eat until Sunday.  

I realized this past week that cheat meals and days are acting as a catalyst for a weekend free-for-all.  I am obsessed with pasta and could eat it forever and ever.  I tried limiting myself to one pasta dish a week but the result of that was that I would eat as much pasta as I could, knowing that I wouldn't allow myself to have it again for a whole week.

While I know that pasta is definitely my weakness, I am not ready to eliminate it from my diet altogether.  Perhaps in the future I will decide that it is worth giving up pasta.  That I want to be thin and healthy more than I want to eat pasta.  But for now my mindset is "don't do anything on a diet that you can't/won't do for the rest of your life."  And there is no way that I will ever stop eating pasta forever.

Rather than allowing myself cheat meals or cheat days, I am going to attempt the moderation route.  One 2-oz serving of pasta once or twice a week (with a protein and a veggie of course!).  What I am slowly coming to realize is that losing weight is an individual process.  I need to learn what works for me.  And when something doesn't work, I need to recognize my mistakes and chart a new course.

With that said, I would have put money on me posting my first weight gain this week.  I ate poorly through Sunday and aside from walking around the mall a few times, I did no exercise.  Somehow, the Scale Gods were being kind this week and I weighed in at:

Starting weight:  272 lbs.

Current weight:  258.7 lbs.  

Weekly loss:  2.8 lbs.

Total loss:  13.3 lbs.

   

Naive

Last week I wrote about balance.  I was quite naive to think that finding balance would come so quickly.  The first three weeks of Amy Gets Healthy I was so committed and determined.  I counted calories and measured portions and I just had the mentality that once I hit those calories I was done eating for the day.  I didn't allow myself any treats for the first two weeks and I didn't seem to miss them.  

But somewhere between then and now it seems I've misplaced my balance.  My weigh in day is Thursday which means I typically spend Friday and Saturday "celebrating" the weight I have lost with food.  How screwed up is that?  I guess I figure that the weekends don't count and that I can get back on track by the following Thursday.  Even if this is the case, I am still sabotaging my weight loss.  Imagine what my weight loss might be if I didn't have to re-lose the pound I gained over the weekend.

I really do want to commit and hit my long term goal but I just can't seem to get my head on straight.  

     

A Long Term Goal

Today is my half birthday.  Today I am 29 and a half.  In exactly six months, I will turn the big 3-0.

Throughout my life, I have vowed to lose weight by a certain birthday, anniversary, or holiday.  In my first post I wrote:  I remember being 19 thinking, “I am going to lose the weight before I’m in my 20’s.”  And at 25 thinking, “I can’t believe I’ve wasted half of my 20’s being overweight.”  And here I am in the twilight of my 20’s regretting that I never took any steps to change my life.

But I am finally taking those steps.  I am ready to make a change and I am ready to set a big goal.  So here it is:

I want to weigh 199 pounds (or less) on my 30th birthday.

This means that in 6 months I need to lose 62 pounds.  I think that this will be challenging but I think that this will be possible.  I will get started on this goal tomorrow as it is Fitness Friday!

Week 4

This was a strange week.  I had (and gave into) my first real cravings this week.  My cheat meal turned into a cheat weekend.  I ate ice cream, I ate pasta, I ate frozen orange chicken.  On Monday, my diet was reflected on the scale by a one pound weight gain.  It made me feel terrible knowing that my food choices were the direct cause of the increase.

But I spent Monday-Thursday trying to make good food choices (even though I ate out 2 of those 4 days).  I did some walking and I did two days of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred which kicked my ass and I could barely move on day three!  The workout is tough and though I spent at least 5 of the 20 minutes lying on the carpet trying to catch my breath, it seems to be quite effective.  This coming week I plan to do 30 Day Shred four times on non-consecutive days.

My efforts during the second half of the week resulted in a loss!

Starting weight:  272 lbs.
Current weight:  261.5 lbs.
Weekly loss:  2 lbs.
Total loss:  10.5 lbs.

I accomplished last week's goal of losing more than 1.5 lbs which means I've lost 10 pounds in the past month!  While I know that I probably could have lost more weight this month if I worked out harder, I am proud of the progress that I have made.

 

Chocolate Chips and Dress Shopping

If you said, "Hey Amy, what are you doing right now?"  I would lie to you and say, "nothing" when in fact I am eating chocolate chips straight from the bag.  This is me being totally honest.  My cheat meal on Friday (pasta with tomato cream sauce and chicken) turned into a cheat weekend.  But today is Monday which is was a perfect day to start anew.

Cue Monday morning weigh in.

Up one pound from last official weigh in on Thursday.  Then I spent the morning dress shopping for a black tie optional wedding I have coming up at the end of the summer.  I went to David's Bridal hoping that I could find something fancy enough and walk out of the store with it.  I loaded up my dressing room with 1,000 dresses and got to work.  Well.  I know that sizes in every store are different but last summer I bought a size 20 dress for a wedding. (It was Jersey so much more forgiving than a formal fitted dress.)  I gathered a bunch of size 20s and threw in some size 22s for good measure.  The 20s were a no go and the 22s zipped but were snug.  I even tried on a size 24 which was much more comfortable but the strapless tops were way too big.

In the end I spent an hour and a half feeling bad about myself and left without a dress.  Dresses were non-returnable and I didn't want to pay to have the size 24 altered and the size 22 left me feeling like a sausage.

Sigh.

Last summer when I was looking for dresses to wear to a wedding, I vowed that I would lose weight so that when it came time to buy a dress for this summer's wedding it would be an easy and fun task. Obviously that didn't happen. One of my goals (aside from a number on the scale) in losing weight is just to be able to walk into a regular store and pick out any dress or outfit I want.  Buying dresses at 264 pounds is not fun. I can't choose colors or styles, I simply have to chose any dress that fits.

So back to the chocolate chips.  I know that eating them is not going to help me achieve my goals.  I don't even know why I am eating them. Because they taste good? Because I've lost that initial motivation to be healthy? Because the cravings have finally hit me (after 3 weeks)?

Arg.  I can see no positives in today.

 

On Balance

I've come to the realization that I have to change my lifestyle if I want to lose weight and maintain that loss.  In the past I saw no problem with ordering pizza and chasing it with ice cream every Friday night.  After all...it was the weekend.  In the back of my mind, I knew it was unhealthy but I didn't care.  It was easy and it tasted great.  But the time has come to make some real life changes.  I'm not even going to pretend that I'll never have pizza and ice cream again (because I will) but it should be and will be done in moderation.  Making grilled pizza with homemade dough is quite different than ordering calzones from Bertuccis.  And grabbing soft serve while visiting friends is not the same as keeping a gallon of mint cookie ice cream in the freezer (even if it is slow churned).

I am a very all or nothing type of person.  In the past when I've made attempts to lose weight, I would severely restrict calories and spend every second of my free time working out.  I quickly became obsessed and it was all I could think about.

When I started One Thirty Six I began counting calories and measuring portions.  I honestly had no idea how many calories I was actually eating.  But like many times in the past, I quickly became obsessed.  I was neurotic about weighing my food to make sure that I was eating exactly 56g of grapes.  But here is what I've realized: while losing weight has to be a priority for me right now, I cannot allow it to take over my life.  I should not cancel social engagements because I am anxious about what I will eat.  I need to be smart, educate myself on what is healthy, plan ahead and make good choices.  And when I stumble and eat a pint of coffee Haagen-Dazs in two days, I don't need to beat myself up and get discouraged.  Instead I need to acknowledge that it's probably too early in my journey to keep ice cream in the freezer.

It's all about finding a balance.  A balance between enjoying food and eating for nourishment.  I'm sure that over time my idea of balance will change but for now these are the loose guidelines I will be following:

* Protein, fruit, veggies, and water every day.  No exceptions.

* Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes.

* One pasta meal a week. (I could eat pasta every day for the rest of my life.)

* One cheat meal a week.  (We'll see if this is valuable or detrimental.)

   

Week 3

Coming off last week I was feeling pretty down despite my buck-up camper blog post.  I was convinced once again that loosing a significant amount of weight was something that would never happen.  But an interesting thing happened.  I didn't give up and binge eat because although I didn't lose any weight last week I felt better.

Week three was full of travel and temptations.  I did my best to make good choices with my eating and I accomplished my goal of 4 days of exercise for at least 30 minutes. And it paid off!

Starting weight: 272 lbs.
Current weight: 263.5 lbs.
Weekly loss: 2.5 lbs.
Total loss: 8.5 lbs.

Was I hoping that my weight loss would be higher?  Of course.  But I think that 2.5 lbs is a reasonable loss that I will be able to maintain week to week.  I didn't feel deprived this week, and although I could have eaten better/less and worked out more, I feel like I found a balance this week (longer post about this coming shortly).

Overall, I am proud of the progress I made this week.  Going into week four, I want to exercise 4 times during the week for at least 30 minutes.

My smart, healthy, rational goal for next week is to lose 1.5 lbs which will total 10 lbs lost in a month.  My I will have to work hard to achieve it goal, is to lose 3.5 lbs so I will be out of the 260's.

Week 2

Okay so...let's just start with the number I suppose.

 

Starting weight: 272 lbs.

Current weight: 266 lbs.

Weekly loss: 0 lbs.

Total loss: 6 lbs.

Minus zero.  Obviously not what I hoped for but as the week went on it was what I expected.

According to Weight Watchers, if you stay within your allotted points for the week you will lose 1-2 pounds per week.  So why did eating a lower amount of calories all week not produce any change this week?  I know that I need to compound exercise with healthy eating but I've read over and over again that diet is more important for losing weight (and exercise for maintaining weight).  Hopefully after the initial shock of dropping 6 pounds the first week, my body will adjust to the fact that it's losing weight time this week.

In the past this is the point where I would usually throw in the towel.  I would have a great first week then lose nothing the second week and decide that I am destined to be fat for the rest of my life.  I would give up now because the thought of reaching the end of week 3 with no results would depress me even more.  But this time I am going to make a life change.  Which means that I don't beat myself up over week 2 and I don't give up.  Instead, I examine what went right and what went wrong, then keep moving forward with a new plan.

What went right:  I continued to eat really well this week.  I planned ahead for the outings I took this week. I brought watermelon to the movies, packed a PB roll-up and an apple for my day trip, and made good choices when eating out.

What went wrong:  I was quite busy this week and made no effort to fit in any physical activity.  It has been super hot all week which makes getting outside to exercise even harder.

Moving forward my plan is to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity at least 4 days between today and next Thursday.  I know if I am serious about losing weight I should commit to at least an hour a day 7 days a week.  But I don't think that is being realistic for me at this point.

Why 136?

The title of my blog is significant for two reasons.  For a 5'4" adult female, 136 pounds is towards the higher end of the "Healthy Weight" range.  Also, with a starting weight of 272 pounds, I will have to lose 136 pounds in order to weigh 136 pounds.  Yes.  I need to lose exactly half (50%) of my body weight.

Idea stolen from Mary.

When I look at this chart it seems all but impossible.  However, thinking about losing weight in terms of 10 pounds at a time it doesn't seem as daunting. 

So...
Step one: Set some manageable goals. 
Step two: Meet those goals.
Step three: Live happily ever after.

The Dreaded Week 2

Last week, I made the commitment to live a healthy and active life.  The initial excitement and anticipation is starting to wear off and now I'm questioning my ability to accomplish my goals.  During week one, I focused mainly on my diet.  I ate lots of fruits and veggies and eliminated all sweets.  I was surprised by my ability to just turn off my need desire for ice cream.  I dropped six pounds and was elated.  Every morning I would wake up eager to jump on the scale and see what I had lost.

Naturally, as I approach the second week of my new life, counting calories alone is not resulting in the rapid success of week one.  Did my body really adjust to its new calorie intake in just one week?  I would think that a 266 pound body would still drop weight on 1500 calories per day.

In the past, I've benefited most from a combination of diet and exercise but I'm finding it hard to get myself moving.  I make excuse after excuse...it's hot...it's humid...I have no one to walk with.  I know that I feel better after I exercise so I think at this point it's just a matter of getting into a routine.  If I wake up every day and go for a walk first thing, eventually it should become habit...right?

Week 1

One week ago I weighed 272 pounds.  It is a number I will never forget.

This past week I made good decisions.  I set a calorie goal, stuck to it, and started to move more.  And guess what?  It worked!

 

Starting Weight: 272 lbs.

Current Weight: 266 lbs.

Weekly Loss: 6 lbs.

Total Loss: 6 lbs.

Go team!  And by team...I mean me.

 

Starting Weight

There are few instances in my life where I actually remember my weight. 

In 5th grade we had to do fitness testing and I volunteered to collect the data for the class.  This was in part because I liked being the teacher's pet but more for the fact that, even at age 11, I didn't want any of my classmates to know how much I weighed.  At that time I weighed 110 pounds (I'm 5' 4" as an adult).  I specifically remember this because a girl named Jenny in my class weighed only 55 pounds...exactly half my weight.

In 11th grade I weighed 220 pounds.  It was the first time I realized that I weighed more than my dad.  In an effort to weigh my dog (who surprise surprise was overweight) my dad picked up the pup and weighed them both then subtracted his weight.  I think he weighed just under 200 pounds and I couldn't believe that as a 17 year old girl I weighed more than a grown man.

During my junior year of college I weighed 197 pounds.  I worked out like a mad woman, ate plain chicken breasts cooked on a George Forman in the dorm, and lost 40 pounds.  I was below 200 pounds for the first time in my life and I felt wonderful.  Granted my eating habits were still not what one would consider normal but I didn't care if what I was doing was unhealthy.

And then I gained, and gained, and gained.  The highest number I ever saw on the scale was 276.  This was a few months ago and I was appalled that I was about to cross the 280 mark.  I made a half-hearted effort at calorie counting and lost only a few pounds.

Last Thursday I weighed in at 272 pounds, which is my "official" starting weight.

110.
220.
197.
276.
272.

These are numbers I will never forget. 

Here I Am...

Standing on the edge of 30 and I don’t know if I’ve ever truly been honest with myself.  So here I go…

I am overweight obese.  Obese.  It seems like such a dirty word.  A word woven with the stigma of lazy, greedy, weak-willed, and slobby.  And as much as I want to believe that I am not those things, I don’t have the self-confidence to say that…yet.

But I am finally ready to change.  Well…if I am being totally honest, I think that I am finally ready to change.  Actually making a change…that’s the hard part.  I always thought that by 30 I would be married, own a house, have a career, and maybe even be considering children.  Instead I am single, renting, unemployed, and can’t fathom the idea of ever having a family with someone.

I remember being 19 thinking, “I am going to lose the weight before I’m in my 20’s.”  And at 25 thinking, “I can’t believe I’ve wasted half of my 20’s being overweight.”  And here I am in the twilight of my 20’s regretting that I never took any steps to change my life.

It’s time to be honest with myself.  This blog is my first step.